Illustration by Robert Deutsch
This is one of the many amazing recipes from Venue to Menu; our illustrated cookbook of recipes musicians. You can buy your own here.
It’s Saturday. I’m sure most of you are lying in a dark room with deathly, horrible, aching hangovers that feel like they are never ever going to end and a wilting soul that gave up on you and your decisions hours ago. Look at you, you’re a mess, lying there wondering if this time will finally be your last…if this time you’ll manage to pull through.
Jeez, stop overreacting! Get yourself in the kitchen, open that fridge and read carefully. You’re going to make it. And Frank Turner is going to help you. In the light of Thursday’s show and because we know you really, desperately need this right now, we are sharing Frank’s recipe for Hangover Antidote Scrambled Eggs which we featured in Venue to Menu and which just aided our own deathly hangovers extremely well.
First thing’s first, get Sarah’s Holloway Road playlist on and get the goddamn butter out post haste.
We’ll let Frank take it from here.
“I am pretty intensely
useless in the kitchen, it’s really not my forte. That said, there are one or two things I can cook, and I get quite militant about doing them right.
“Case in point: Scrambled Eggs.
“I can’t stand the way Americans cook them (rubbery and gross) and it’s not hard to get it right. My sister taught me this recipe many years ago and it has stood me in good stead ever since; it’s the ultimate hangover killer. If this doesn’t sort you out the morning after, seek serious medical attention.
“You’ll need two large eggs per person, salt and black pepper, and (here’s the crucial part) butter. You need a chunk of butter that is proportionate to the amount of alcohol-induced pain that you’re in. That sounds like an imprecise measurement, but it’s more of a spiritual thing than scientific. Just feel it out, and if in doubt, err on the side of more. There’s almost no upper limit on how much butter you can put in, I’ve used half a tub for two people before and it was awesome.
“Put the eggs and the butter and the salt and pepper in a pan on a low heat and start beating it constantly with a wooden spoon. Don’t stop, keep it moving and off the bottom of the pan as much as you can. In a very short while you’ll have an amazing gooey yellow and white mess. Whatever you do, don’t overcook it. As soon as it’s hit the perfect level of conglomeration, immediately pour it out onto a slice of toast with (yet more) butter on it that you prepared earlier (right?).
“Eat immediately with ketchup. It’s not exactly a long-term healthy option, but if
that’s your main concern, stop drinking so much, idiot. It’ll kill your hangover stone dead, or your money back.”
Words: Intro – Sophie, Recipe – Frank Turner